was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
