Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize