He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
