you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
