that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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