thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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