I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
can u get pink eye on your cock?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
