i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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