I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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