oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
