Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
