the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize