Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
