Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
