I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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