sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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