Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
