You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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