I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
