All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize