Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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