Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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