If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
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In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
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Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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