The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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