i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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