feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
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when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
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i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?