how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.