I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.