He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
