she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
