You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
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the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
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Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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