It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
