On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
