I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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