i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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