Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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