ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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