We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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