im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
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