He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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