Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
