need another drink. this is the easiest way
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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