Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
