how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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