Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
