Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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