I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
do nipples grow back?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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