Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
