i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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