I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
