You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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