If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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