just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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