Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
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also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I am naked and annoyed.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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