Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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