i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
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WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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