My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
