i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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