the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
