the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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