Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
