He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't deserve a penis
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
