I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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